On 11th December at 4:22am I gave birth to my baby girl. There are no words in the world to describe the feeling that my partner and I shared. Even now, 10 days later, knee deep in nappies and unable to determine whether its day or night, I can’t comprehend the way I feel about this tiny little girl I am now responsible for.
From the moment we returned home on the evening of the 11th things got very real, very quickly. Returning home to baby girl balloons attached to everything possible and greeted by an obscene amount of generosity from everyone we knew, made everything suddenly hit home. I hadn’t slept for 2 nights previously due to being in labour but despite this I had no intentions of sleeping for a substantial amount of time. How could I ever possibly let this little girl out of my sight? Nothing else in the world seemed more important and so I was willing to do anything to make sure she was ok. Looking back at those first few days, all I can clearly remember is the love shared between my newly formed little family and me. My partner and I couldn’t (still can’t) believe our luck to have been blessed with such a perfect little human.
However, the first few days of motherhood were possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. Being left to fend for ourselves with a tiny person to look after was petrifying. Are we doing it right? What does she need? Why won’t she sleep? Fear combined with the lack of sleep, combined with not eating and combined with the physical pain from labour caused me to believe that raising this child would be an impossible task. How does anyone ever do it? Amongst the 10000 visitors, those days feel like a blur. It’s amazing how far we have come in just over a week.
Now, 10 days in and everything seems a little bit more manageable. My body is returning to normal and in a way, I already miss my bump. After a few nights of sleep and our girl being a little less breakable, parenthood doesn’t feel like such an impossible task. After managing to venture out of the house as a family and beginning to find our own ways of doing things, the initial feelings of fear (although still there) are not quite as prominent. Everyday we get more and more confident in our own abilities and our love for her grows.
Only 10 days in and already our biggest and best adventure yet. Pregnancy seems a million miles away from where we are now. Everyday is passing at lightning speed and we’re trying our hardest to appreciate every single moment, good or bad. You hear it all the time but until you experience it for yourself, I don’t think its possible to understand. The love felt for this tiny little girl we have created is something that I will never be able to describe, I’ve only known her for 10 days and from the moment I saw her for the first time, nothing else mattered but my new little family.